When people are near death what is their most common regret? It’s the regret that they didn’t take opportunities that presented themselves.
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me,” as caretaker Bronnie Ware observed.
So let’s take a deeper look at a certain gushing energy drain, one which most of us are not even aware of.
Here’s the good news: If you can fix this energy drain, your chances of success and making a contribution can skyrocket!
TOO MUCH “INNER CONSIDERING”
George Gurdjieff, the Armenian sage of the last century, called this limitation “inner considering.” By that he meant our habit of worrying what others may think.
Let’s put things in context. Trying to fit in is normal for teenagers. Being accepted by your peers is a developmental stage.
This trying to fit in doesn’t stop during our teens, however. Adults still spend much fruitless time trying to please others. As if lost in a maze, we are then subject to whatever we are guessing others are thinking or might say about us.
As you become aware of your thoughts, and your desire for a greater life strengthens, a certain truth emerges…
You can’t inner consider others and follow your own guidance. Try to please everyone and just about no one will be satisfied. You’ll lose respect from others and yourself.[contentbox width=”400″ borderwidth=”1″ borderstyle=”none” bordercolor=”000000″ dropshadow=”0″ backgroundcolor=”F5F5F5″ radius=”0″]
A REVEALING STORY
Phillip once coached a lively woman who had a verbally abusive husband. The relationship came to a head when the husband issued 17 demands to her. In order to stay married to him, she must follow all of them.
In the next counseling session, Phillip figured this was the perfect opportunity for her to leave a difficult marriage, an easy way out.
When he asked her what she was going to do, she quickly replied, “Follow the demands. I could never get a divorce. This is a small community and what would people think if I got divorced?”[/contentbox]
TIME FOR “EXTERNAL CONSIDERING”
Gurdjieff recommended a remedy for inner considering. The solution? To externally consider.
This meant to genuinely serve others, not out of fear and obligation, but sincerely helping when you are guided to serve others.
From this inner-directed place, your service expresses your spirit and can bring out the spirit in others.
Another remedy for worrying about others is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).
“Even though I’m worrying what _____ will think, I can still follow my heart and love and accept myself.” Then start tapping…
BECOMING MORE SELF-AWARE
To be willing to dream may take some courage. You need to step out of the crowd and claim a better life for yourself.
Ironically, probably the best chance to genuinely help others is to follow your own bliss and purpose.
In other words, you no longer need to dwell on whatever you imagine others are thinking about you. Instead, just focus on following your higher purpose, which benefits you and others.
Yes, be aware of others. And above all, be self-aware of your own thoughts, feelings and actions. “To thine own self be true,” as Shakespeare advised.
Following this course will lead to a life of fulfillment, without those final regrets of having missed your calling.
Then your actions will more naturally flow from a loving place, regardless of what the neighbors might think.
You do want to have a greater, more meaningful life. This means having specific dreams and goals to guide you.
As holistic coaches, we want to share two master questions that will help you to achieve your all-important dreams.
YOU ARE A PATTERN RECOGNIZER
To understand why these two questions are so powerful, first a little neuroscience (brain science). Your brain has the astonishing capacity to recognize billions of patterns. If I say “cute, wagging tail,” it doesn’t take long to picture a dog.
We can complete countless pictures and sentences just by accessing this vast pattern-recognizing ability we have.
You can harness this vast storehouse of patterns at your fingertips to help you realize your dreams and goals.
The first question is, “What will happen if you don’t go for your dreams and goals?”
The second question is, “What will be it like if you do accomplish your dreams and goals?”
The first question elicits negative patterns, the second one elicits positive patterns. Both are equally important to ask, and work hand in hand.
Let’s give two quick examples on now this works on a dream or goal.
Example 1: Say your dream or goal is to have a business or career you love.
1st Question: “What will happen if you don’t go for a business/career you love?”
Possible answers will come pretty readily.
Such as… I’ll feel unsatisfied. I won’t amount to much compared to what I could have. I won’t be able to help myself and others in a meaningful and exciting way.
2nd Question: “What will it be like if you do find a business or career you love?”
Possible answers: I’ll feel fulfilled. I’ll help myself and others in exciting ways. I’ll be making a difference.
Example 2: You want to reach your ideal weight.
1st Question: “What will happen if you stay overweight?”
Possible answers: I’ll keep feeling tired. I’ll look and feel bad. It may lead to illness and disease. I’ll disappoint myself.
2nd Question: “What will be it like if you do attain your ideal weight?”
Possible answers: I’ll feel and look so much better. I will be healthier and inspire others. I’ll be freer to do and wear what I want.
USE THE CARROT & STICK
Use this carrot or stick approach with these two master questions. The stick is the first question about not going forward, and keeping the status quo. The carrot is the second question of imagining the good things that will come with attaining your dreams and goals.
An important note when you do this exercise: make sure to do the first “stick” question. People sometimes avoid that one (about not getting your goals) because it may bring us some momentary discomfort.
Why make sure to ask it? By harnessing your pattern recognition ability, you will get at a deeper level what will happen if you remain where you are.
By identifying negative consequences of staying where you are (unsatisfying job, sluggish body, etc.), you will get a clear picture. This sharper image will motivate you to go forward, especially after answering the second question.
Otherwise if you avoid the first stick question, you might not get over the hump. You are at risk of staying where you are and getting by with the status quo. In effect, it’s better to chase your dreams rather than run from your fears.
Do this powerful simple exercise as soon as possible. If you delay, your settle-for part can stay in control. Asking these two questions shows you something critical about yourself — your aliveness.
How alive are you with your dreams? How alive are you without your dreams? It’s a big difference.
So be brave and go for it. Ask these two master questions and you might be surprised at what you will learn. It’s time to accomplish your goals.
Fulfilling your dreams will be that much easier…. and life can be so much better!
Turn on your speakers to watch the video below.
Why is it so important to feel good? We often don’t even feel when someone asks how we are feeling. Yet, surprisingly, it’s one of the most important things you can do: feel as good as you can, in each moment.
Why? Positive feelings raise your vibration. So they attract and create what you want. If you are more productive and creative that means you are helping yourself and others.
You can only feel better than you do now, which may not be great depending on your state. But you can always feel better.
The idea is to focus your thought to uplift your feelings. It’s a lifelong meditation. You must be mindful of how you think and the feelings generated.
Positivity Research from Barbara Frederickson and others have found the ratio of positive to negative expressions is key to positive outcomes. They found about 3 to 1 ratio is the tipping point. Below that not much affect may occur.
You can go higher than 3 to 1, but not so high that you become naive and ungrounded, where everything is positive. You must keep your discernment.
So teachers should have 3 positive comments to every 1 negative to students. For partnerships/marriages it’s been found that a high number of positives to negative expressions keeps relationships strong.
So in short, feel good now.
You might want to check out our upcoming telecourse on Manifestation. It’s part of our transformational Holistic Coaching and EFT Certification Telecourse, stating February 12. Click here to find out more about this life-changing training.
Here’s a big success secret. What the is balance of helping yourself and others? Watch this short video and find out the balance you need.
Are you ever afraid to offer something to others in fear that you are manipulating them? Particularly if the other person has to pay money for it.
We had such concerns about offering our products and services when we started out, and it held us back for a long time. We would like to share what we’ve learned about this important area.
ON THE MOUNTAIN — OR IN THE MUD?
To understand how to genuinely influence people (not manipulate them), you need to have a purpose and mission to help. Eventually you need to translate your dreams and goals into a viable plan for success. Without a direction, you can end up what we call “wallowing in the mud.”
To explain, let’s use a powerful metaphor. You can either be on the mountain top or stuck in the mud way below. To rephrase, you can be heading up the mountain or sinking down toward the mud.
WHAT’S YOUR PERSPECTIVE?
If you clarify your vision and purpose, you feel empowered. It’s as if you are atop a beautiful mountain with a gorgeous 360-degree view.
You experience love and connectedness. Your broad view lets you dream and play bigger. You think, “What (else) could go right?”
But if you are sloshing down in the mud, your view narrows. You feel seperate and alone. You get stuck on “What could go wrong?”
IN WHICH DIRECTION ARE YOU HEADED?
In addition to describing your feeling-state, the mountain-mud metaphor can describe your direction in life. Are we headed up the mountain or drifting down into the mud?
If you are venturing up the next mountain, you are excited about your goals. You find opportunities and resources to go forward. You know you are a creator, in charge of the direction of your life.
If you are drifting toward the mud, you struggle, trying to stay in a comfort zone. On some level, you know you are sinking into mediocrity and complacency. You feel like a victim, out of control.
When you feel good about yourself and your direction, you freely share with others. You want to authentically influence them for the better, knowing they are free to ultimately decide for themselves.
If you are wallowing in the mud of indecision, vacillating from fear to arrogance, from knowing nothing to knowing it all, then you feel uncertain.
If you recommend something from this low vibration, like your products or services, you worry about offending others or being rejected.
The goal is to live on purpose daily. Then you are more present and engaged. You see broadly from the mountain top. You breathe fresh air into your life.
You know your inspiration and direction will help others too. Then you can truly persuade others and feel good about it. You know the authentic influence of persuasion.
So keep climbing, keep dreaming. Then life’s possibilities open to you regularly, so much so that you will naturally want to share with others.
Phillip Mountrose shows you 3 simple ways to spend more of your time “in the zone,” living your life to its full potential.
As you grow older, an urge tends to become stronger: to make the most of yourself, so you can help yourself and others as much as you can. If you follow this path to fulfillment, you will be happy now and throughout your life.
The challenge comes from the fears that get in your way. Without proper attention, these inner conflicts can stop you from creating an extraordinary lif and accomplishing your life goals.
(By the way, you do deserve an extraordinary life!)
Let’s identify 3 core fears and how you can overcome these fears.
1. FEAR OF FAILURE
“What if my goals and dreams don’t work out?”
Perhaps you’ve tried before and came up short. Perhaps you know little about what you want to explore. Perhaps none of your family or friends have accomplished anything like what you’d like to do.
The journey of a 1000 miles still starts with the first step.
To move forward, let’s use some affirmations to help clarify your mind on fear of failure. You can also use EFT, the tapping technique, to speed up the process of integrating these affirmations.
“Even though I’m afraid I will fail, I can still love and accept myself.”
“Even though I’ve failed before, I can go forward now.”
2. FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
We often may fear the unknown — but it’s a poor success strategy. To help face uncertainty, it’s good to be prepared, in the right place mentally and physically.
To be your best, you need beneficial routines. Research continues to show how life-enhancing good habits are — such as eating healthy, exercising, sleeping 7-8 hours nightly, and having a support network. The body and emotions thrive when you regularly nurture yourself.
Your body depends on certain necessities. When you take care of your body, you can venture more easily into the unknown, where creativity and more freedom lies. Then you are free to use your creative imagination to craft a wonderful life.
You can also use your fears to energize you. Fears can motivate you to become more innovative and productive.
Make it a priority to use your discernment and find new projects, new friends, new possibilities. Stay curious and take that next step.
Affirmations for fear of the unknown:
“Even though it’s scary doing something I’ve never done before, I can still take care of myself and nurture my spirit.”
“Even though I’m anxious about this new opportunity, I can still find my way and go forward.”
3. FEAR OF WHAT OTHERS THINK
We find that most people are more influenced than they realize by what others think. The idea that someone might criticize or “reject” them stops many people in their tracks.
In truth, most people are too self-absorbed to think that often of others.
If you do ask them to join you in some venture, they may say “no.” They may not understand why you are going in a new area, and possibly will try to stop you “for your own good” — mostly due to their own projected fears.
When we try to please others, we are being co-dependent. Take a cue from those who are already successful: follow your heart and your own dreams. What’s more, team up with some others who can help you advance — either by collaborating or mentoring.
As you go forward, others will too. You will boldly pave the way for others who are ready to break from the herd, too.
Affirmations for fear of what others think:
“Even though people may criticize me, I still love and accept myself and know I’m okay.”
“Even though people may not understand what I’m doing, I’m following my heart and attracting like-minded people as I go forward.”
FINAL THOUGHTS — TAKE A LEAP
Every day you have a choice. To go forward with your hopes and dreams or stay stuck in fear.
Isn’t now the time to turn those fears into motivations for you to go forward? Tap on the fears whenever they show up.
As the poet Apollinaire wrote in his poem “The Leap”:
“Come to the edge, He said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, He said.
They came. He pushed them.
And they flew…”
Whether you need an angel – or yourself – (or both) to push you, you too can fly! To the heart of your success.
Are you wondering about your next step or how best to move forward with your life?
In this Free Teleclass, we will show you how to clarify your deeper life purpose for far greater joy and fulfillment in your life.
Living your life purpose is what you’re here to do. It’s of utmost importance. So this may be one of the most important classes you ever attend.
WHAT: How to Live Your Life Purpose (Free Teleclass)
WHEN: Thursday, October 4th, 6pm PT/9pm ET
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There are 3 aspects of being in the right place at the right time. Each aspect reinforces the other ones.
1. BEING ON PURPOSE
What is your bigger purpose, beyond just surviving? When you use your gifts and skills to help others, when you have a mission statement, you live on purpose. The idea is to have a vision of a better world — not just generically wanting to help people.
It may involve performing, helping children, offering a service or product. When your life revolves around your passionate purpose, you know you are on track. Your life has daily direction and meaning.
2. OVERCOMING OBSTACLES
Just because you’re on purpose doesn’t mean life is always a breeze. Challenges regularly occur. Here’s the secret: become keenly aware of how you respond to those challenges.
There are 2 kinds of obstacles: one coming from intention, the other from inattention. In the first case, you are on track; in the other, you are off track.
The first kind of challenge naturally arises when you go for your dreams and goals and things get in the way. These can come from outside conflicts as well as your own internal doubts.
Being in the flow includes doing what it takes. Realize that opportunities may be inconvenient. You may need to just hang in there — and sometimes reinvent yourself.
The second obstacle comes when we get off track. At times we are inattentive and careless. Then stuff happens; we get a speeding ticket or make an inconsiderate comment. We may deviate by following bright shiny objects (like a young child), ending up wasting time and money.
Whether we are navigating staying the course or needing to get back on track, we can still do one thing: Make any situation into an opportunity.
To help, use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to set your thoughts and feelings aright.
As you take charge of your life, use your setbacks to grow. Look for the good in the sometimes crazy obstacles that you face.
It’s comforting to know you can use any experience in your life. Put those painstaking experiences into your compost pile and watch how they fertilize your dreams and goals.
3. FEELING GOOD
Overall, you feel good when you are on track. You realize, sometimes with a groan, that the setbacks will lead you to where you want to go. It may mean finding a creative solution, persevering or just being more aware.
What does a day of being in the right place at the right time look like?
You’re intent on leading a rich, purposeful life. You want to help yourself, others, and the world in a greater way. Like the Energizer Bunny, you keep on going.
When you experience loss, you find a way to feel better in the moment. You grow and learn. You become continually grateful for all you have.
You wake up and realize, “I’m in the right place at the right time!”
So you continually lead a purposeful life, deal with setbacks, and feel as good as you can (the 3 keys). You then are well-positioned to be in the right place at the right time.
It’s all part of the journey. And if you know where you want to go, it’s much easier to enjoy the ride.