Spiritual Intimacy and Connectedness with Your Partner
Do your partner’s eyes glaze over when you talk about spirituality? Can you freely share your interests with them on holistic subjects (intuition, spiritual growth, the big picture, connectedness and more)? Is your partner even interested in such areas?
We are talking here about a spiritual connection and spiritual intimacy, one many people, even in partnership already, long to have.
By spirituality, we mean interest in self-actualization and self-transcendence, including evolving to be the best version of yourself, united with the universe and oneness. It includes both elevating your awareness and seeing things from a larger and larger perspective.
For women in particular, it can be a serious concern when their partner doesn’t really care about such matters. Women seem to be naturally drawn to the intuitive, relationship side of life. Men, on the other hand, tend to be more logical and action oriented, even though there are many exceptions for both sexes.
Why Won’t He Join Me?
So for many people, they are frustrated with their partner’s disinterest in spiritual matters.
We sometimes help people get through this tough challenge. The difficulty often revolves around:
An Example of Getting Support
Carolyn’s relationship with her husband is devolving into the one she had with her previous husband. Although her partner expresses affection for her and helps support her financially, he’s not interested in that “spiritual stuff” that she values dearly.
The more she brings it up, the more he pays her lip service and even seems to quietly resist her insistence on how this can help them do things together.
Carolyn hopes – even inwardly expects – that he will come around and open up to what makes her so energized and alive, such as holistic healing and spiritual trainings. She even questions his support of her – and maybe doesn’t trust him or the relationship.
Carolyn, like the rest of us, has internal parts of herself that can cause problems, if left unaddressed.
In this case, her savior archetype was trying to rescue someone (her husband) who didn’t want to be saved. In fact, he was satisfied where he was and didn’t see the problem that Carolyn saw: his resistance to joining her in spiritual endeavors.
Our savior part tries to convert others to our way of thinking. In classic roles, the savior tries to save the other from being condemned and even damned. Of course, much of this way of thinking and acting goes on without awareness and creates conflict in the process.
Carolyn has to spend a lot of energy trying to micromanage her partner. She ends up losing her own energy from frustration and disappointment.
The solution comes from breaking some old habits, seeing things afresh and acting differently. She could then appreciate what they had and not dwell on what was not there.
Some Suggestions on Partnerships and Spirituality
It still can be a stubborn truth to face: we can’t change others, only ourselves. That can be hard to accept with someone we are close to.
For our own marriage, which began 37 years ago, we eventually realized something in order for it to work: we each had to accept the other, warts and all.
That doesn’t mean we never have arguments or conflict. But our love can still thrive, knowing we have this fundamental acceptance of each other.
Here are some practical things to do for securing your relationship, while fostering spiritual growth:
Accept the other person for who they are;
Appreciate the good things you have in common;
Appreciate each other’s positive traits and note the other person’s helpful actions;
Don’t set unrealistic expectations and then think you can’t trust the other person when they don’t live up to what you want;
Find support and spiritual development from others outside your relationship;
Value yourself and your own journey into self-actualization – as you grow, the world becomes a better place – including your relationship, however it unfolds.
Here are some empowering choices you can make:
I choose to enjoy time by myself and doing things on my own.
I choose to find different people to support me and to support them.
I accept others for who they are without feeling compelled to change them.
I can be more loving and open minded.
These choices are about things you can control. You can control your own thoughts and feelings. You can have control over your own feelings. But you cannot control your partner’s thoughts, feelings and actions.
You can find common ground and enjoy that. Ultimately, you need to be your own light and shine that on the world. No need insisting that others must light up in areas where they do not shine.
Ultimately, you need to be your own light and shine that on the world. ”
It’s a sometimes a hard lesson to accept a partner for who he or she is – but if the relationship is worth it, you might as well do what you can. Now that would help yourself grow spiritually.