Many holistic people tell us they have always been a person who others come to for advice. This may be free or professional advice. This begs the question: how do you give good [soulful] advice?
Of course, people don’t want others to tell them how to live their life. Instead, it’s good to be able to authentically support others, whether they are a friend or client. In other words, you want to be in a heart-centered place to truly help them.
Here then are three ways to take a soulful approach.
1. Be the best listener you can be.
Before offering advice (we’ll suggest how to do that in a moment), listen attentively.
We all know listening is important. We love when someone non-judgmentally listens to us in a caring way. But why then don’t we listen more often to others? Part of it is not knowing how to do it. The other part is remembering to listen as a first step in helping others.
To listen, give your full attention to the other person. Quiet your mind. Suspend what you have to say for now. Cultivate being in an open, mindful place, without expectations or agendas.
Periodically, you can summarize what you heard (“So you’re saying ______.”)
Or you can ask for more information. (“Tell me a little more about ______.”)
At this initial stage, you are talking very little.
2. Offer choices and respond with questions.
A soulful approach intends to empower the other person, rather than dictating answers and solutions.
Avoid saying things like “This is the way you need to do it.” Don’t limit their choices, instead expand them. (By extension, how much do you like someone saying you “have to do it this way”?)
Rather than giving an either/or choice, offer three choices. For example, you can spark their awareness with saying something like “You could start this now, or think about it more, or consider something else.”
Also interact more by asking questions, not giving statements. Instead of “You need to get more rest,” say “Would it be good to find a way to rest more?”
Your questions will empower and liberate the person. Questions stimulate wonderful possibility thinking. As we say in our Miracle Reframe Process with EFT, “Anything is possible, and miracles are happening now.”
3. Allow awareness to emerge.
Valuable insights and “aha’s” can take time to surface. You can set the stage, though, by being more relaxed. If you slow down, you won’t rush your conversations. Also avoid making assumptions and forcing conclusions.
In general, here’s what really helps: cultivate being spacious and patient. Allow for [pregnant] pauses. Become comfortable with creating pauses and being silent at times. When you dialogue in a heart-centered way, conditions are favorable for flashes of insight.
One further note. At times, you do need to intentionally interrupt the other person when they are rambling and getting off track. You can then compassionately interrupt with a question. That can redirect the conversation to be more productive.
You could also insert a suggestion to “let’s pause here a moment and reflect on that part you said. It could be important.” This can stop momentums and continuous negative talk.
Final Thoughts on Soulful Conversations
To conclude, remember to refrain as much as possible from unsolicited, overbearing advice-giving. Instead, by being a good listener, offering multiple choices and having spacious discussions, wonderful communication will result. Doors open and you magically enter the flow. Eureka moments and breakthroughs occur. And overall, everyone feels good.
Then like the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis, you set yourself free — and then have more inspiring and meaningful interactions with others. You an both fly together, explore and being a good space together.