When people are near death what is their most common regret? It’s the regret that they didn’t take opportunities that presented themselves.
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me,” as caretaker Bronnie Ware observed.
This begins to uncover a mystery: why are so many people without a dream or goal? And further, for those who do have direction, why do they fall short of accomplishing their heart’s desires?
So let’s take a deeper look at a certain gushing energy drain, one which most of us are not even aware of.
Here’s the good news: If you can fix this energy drain, your chances of success and making a contribution can skyrocket!
TOO MUCH “INNER CONSIDERING”
George Gurdjieff, the Armenian sage of the last century, called this limitation “inner considering.” By that he meant our habit of worrying what others may think.
Let’s put things in context. Trying to fit in is normal for teenagers. Being accepted by your peers is a developmental stage.
This trying to fit in doesn’t stop during our teens, however. Adults still spend much fruitless time trying to please others. As if lost in a maze, we are then subject to whatever we are guessing others are thinking or might say about us.
As you become aware of your thoughts, and your desire for a greater life strengthens, a certain truth emerges…
You can’t inner consider others and follow your own guidance. Try to please everyone and just about no one will be satisfied. You’ll lose respect from others and yourself.
A REVEALING STORY
Phillip once coached a lively woman who had a verbally abusive husband. The relationship came to a head when the husband issued 17 demands to her. In order to stay married to him, she must follow all of them.
In the next counseling session, Phillip figured this was the perfect opportunity for her to leave a difficult marriage, an easy way out.
When he asked her what she was going to do, she quickly replied, “Follow the demands. I could never get a divorce. This is a small community and what would people think if I got divorced?”
TIME FOR “EXTERNAL CONSIDERING”
Gurdjieff recommended a remedy for inner considering. The solution? To externally consider. This meant to genuinely serve others, not out of fear and obligation, but sincerely helping when you are guided to serve others.
From this inner-directed place, your service expresses your spirit and can bring out the spirit in others.
ANOTHER REMEDY
Another remedy for worrying about others is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).
“Even though I’m worrying what _____ will think, I can still follow my heart and love and accept myself.” Then start tapping…
BECOMING MORE SELF-AWARE
To be willing to dream may take some courage. You need to step out of the crowd and claim a better life for yourself. Ironically, probably the best chance to genuinely help others is to follow your own bliss and purpose.
In other words, you no longer need to dwell on whatever you imagine others are thinking about you. Instead, just focus on following your higher purpose, which benefits you and others.
Yes, be aware of others. And above all, be self-aware of your own thoughts, feelings and actions. “To thine own self be true,” as Shakespeare advised. Following this course will lead to a life of fulfillment, without those final regrets of having missed your calling.
Then your actions will more naturally flow from a loving place, regardless of what the neighbors might think.
